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11.09.2006

San Francisco Values 

According to research firm ELM Ltd., the Democratic takeover of the Congress is nothing but good news for the San Francisco Giants. A close examination of U.S. electoral history shows that baseball teams based in regions represented by top Congressional leaders have sometimes won the World Series during the leaders' tenure. Can it be more than coincidence?

House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.)
Tenure: 1999-2007
World Series champion: Chicago White Sox, 2005

House Speaker Newt Gingrich (R-Ga.)
Tenure: 1995-1999
World Series champion: Atlanta Braves, 1995

Senate Maj. Leader Bill Frist (R-Tenn.)
Tenure: 2003-2007
World Series champion: Florida Marlins, 2003: sort of close to Tennessee, generally speaking

Senate Maj. Leader Bob Dole (R-Kan.)
Tenure: 1985-1987
World Series champion: K.C. Royals, 1985: across the river, but let's not quibble

And let's not forget that in 1993 Canadians held national elections. Who won the World Series? That's right, the Toronto Blue Jays.

The people have spoken, the vast e-voting conspiracies have been swept under the rug, and if I may paraphrase Stephen Colbert, tomorrow we're all going to wake up in a brave new world, a world where the Constitution gets trampled by an army of terrorist clones created in a stem-cell research lab run by homosexual doctors who sterilize their instruments over burning American flags, where tax-and-spend Democrats take all your hard earned money and use it to buy electric cars for National Public Radio and teach evolution to illegal immigrants... Oh, and the San Francisco Giants are 2007 World Series champions!

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SMALL PRINT UPDATE: Now listening to outtakes from my favorite Rolling Stones album, Exile on Main Street. (Thanks to Elbo for the link.) Sweet Virginia, indeed.

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