10.03.2006
Second Season: A Bit of Playoff Doggerel
The playoffs began four innings ago, and already Frank Thomas has gone deep. ¡Viva El Gran Dolor!
Here's my quick-hit list of things I want from this year's playoffs, in verse:
Dodger Humiliation, Big Hurt Vindication,
A Santana No-Hitter, Steinbrenner is Bitter
At argh! yet another quick Yankee demise,
As Pudge guns down Jeter to end their game five,
While A-Rod K's once -- and Congress holds hearings!
Then a mob forces Cashman to trade the offender
to the Giants for Lowry and a smidge of cash tender.
The Budster's caught nose-picking high in his box,
And every game of the playoffs,
From The Homerdome to Shea Stadiohm,
From Saint Loo to Da Bronx, from Motown to Oaktown,
Goes extras and causes a run on Maalox.
I also won't mind if a band of jihadis
Bombs Fox Network HQ, with help from the Saudis,
And we pass laws obliging all outlets and stations
To broadcast Jon Miller -- not obnoxious Fox filler --
to every last villa and nook in the nation.
[UPDATE: If you like it limerick-style -- and who doesn't? -- try a little something from The Master.]
**
Small print update:
Now listening to the Hold Steady's new album Boys and Girls in America, streaming free online. I love this Web-o-Net thing. I've never heard the Hold Steady before, being kinda old and married, but was it too curmudgeonly of me while hearing the first 30 seconds of the first song to exclaim, "Good God, that's the most blatant 'Born to Run' nod I've ever heard"? Then comes the second cut "Chips Ahoy" and more copyrighted '70s rock sounds, including the swirly keyboards of Manfred Mann's cover of Springsteen's "Blinded by the Light." Track #3: The Hold Steady's "Hot Soft Light" or Thin Lizzy's "The Boys are Back in Town"? What the hell is going on here? And despite the blatant ripoffs, er, homages, why is it still pretty good?
Now reading The Corrections. Five years after buying it as a present for my mom, I'm finally getting around to it. So I'm a little behind. Just a chapter in, I'm already impressed by the way he paints in small details without losing the psychic, historic flow of the opening chapter, an introduction to a crusty old married couple, Alfred and Enid. As I inscribed five years ago, "Oprah loved it; I hope you do, too."
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Here's my quick-hit list of things I want from this year's playoffs, in verse:
Dodger Humiliation, Big Hurt Vindication,
A Santana No-Hitter, Steinbrenner is Bitter
At argh! yet another quick Yankee demise,
As Pudge guns down Jeter to end their game five,
While A-Rod K's once -- and Congress holds hearings!
Then a mob forces Cashman to trade the offender
to the Giants for Lowry and a smidge of cash tender.
The Budster's caught nose-picking high in his box,
And every game of the playoffs,
From The Homerdome to Shea Stadiohm,
From Saint Loo to Da Bronx, from Motown to Oaktown,
Goes extras and causes a run on Maalox.
I also won't mind if a band of jihadis
Bombs Fox Network HQ, with help from the Saudis,
And we pass laws obliging all outlets and stations
To broadcast Jon Miller -- not obnoxious Fox filler --
to every last villa and nook in the nation.
[UPDATE: If you like it limerick-style -- and who doesn't? -- try a little something from The Master.]
**
Small print update:
Now listening to the Hold Steady's new album Boys and Girls in America, streaming free online. I love this Web-o-Net thing. I've never heard the Hold Steady before, being kinda old and married, but was it too curmudgeonly of me while hearing the first 30 seconds of the first song to exclaim, "Good God, that's the most blatant 'Born to Run' nod I've ever heard"? Then comes the second cut "Chips Ahoy" and more copyrighted '70s rock sounds, including the swirly keyboards of Manfred Mann's cover of Springsteen's "Blinded by the Light." Track #3: The Hold Steady's "Hot Soft Light" or Thin Lizzy's "The Boys are Back in Town"? What the hell is going on here? And despite the blatant ripoffs, er, homages, why is it still pretty good?
Now reading The Corrections. Five years after buying it as a present for my mom, I'm finally getting around to it. So I'm a little behind. Just a chapter in, I'm already impressed by the way he paints in small details without losing the psychic, historic flow of the opening chapter, an introduction to a crusty old married couple, Alfred and Enid. As I inscribed five years ago, "Oprah loved it; I hope you do, too."
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