The A-Rod Jihad 

I just received an e-mail from a Yankee-loving guy in my company's New York headquarters. He sends out a daily "budget" that tells the reporters which stories are in our paper's daily lineup. He's a funny guy, and once in a while he adds a little personal comment. Today's subject line: "Friday morning budget, no longer anemic. But Yanks need to dump A-Rod."


I couldn't let that one go unchallenged, could I? The world is full of A-Rod-hating Yankees fans, and it's my mission to re-educate them one at a time.

Whoa -- what am I thinking? Better to let their bleating and braying grow so loud, their boos so embarrassing as they rain down upon one of their own, that the Yanks are forced to dump A-Rod upon the poor Giants, pay $5 million of his salary per annum, and ask for someone other than Cain, Sanchez or Lincecum in return. (A reader in my comments box recently criticized my rather fantastical idea of A-Rod for Lowry, to which I reply, "Are you frigging nuts?!?")

Ah, but A-Rod. He's a choker, isn't he? A vainglorious preening robotic blue-lipped bitch-slapping choker? And he can't produce in the playoffs, as evidenced by yesterday's 0-for-4 with 3 Ks.

It's one thing for Red Sox fans to ride the guy mercilessly; that's their job. But his own hometown fans?

Behold the playoff histories going into this year's post-season:

.305 BA / .393 OBP / .534 SLG
6 HRs in 31 games. One every five games.

.307 BA / .379 OBP / .463 SLG
16 HRs in 115 games.

Just for fun, let's bring in the post-season stats of another True Yankee, a guy who could walk into any Italian deli, auto body shop or firehouse in N.Y. and receive a free hand job:

.284 BA / .363 OBP / .465 SLG
11 HRs in 85 games.

Wait, one more. The Truest, Yankiest, Clap-Clap-Clap-Clap-Clappiest Pinstriper of this generation:

.277 BA / .373 OBP / .483 SLG
22 HRs in 120 games. About the same pace as A-Rod. But not nearly the same extra-base power.

A-Rod has had a few bad playoff series with the Yankees. He's also had some excellent playoff series and will likely have more. If his teams don't reach the playoffs in years to come, it will not likely be his fault. If Yankee fans don't want him to help the Yankees reach the playoffs, fine. Send him this way.


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