6.08.2005
The Goat, or Who Is Pedro?
Please choose which of the following is the better symbol of the Giants hitting bottom:
1) An ad during tonight's radio broadcast that featured Gary Coleman shilling for an online loan site. The pathetic former child star Coleman said he used the service to get a loan right from his own apartment. Good God, what a depressing image. Empty pizza boxes, a framed "Diff'rent Strokes" cast photo in the kitchen, a dial-up Internet connection, the noise from the parking lot of the all-night 7-11 next door seeping through his thin walls, the glow of Coleman's laptop on his 40-year-old cherbuic cheeks as he agrees to an interest rate higher than his blood pressure and tries not to cry...
OR
2) Bottom of the ninth, Giants down 4-1, Pedro Feliz with a 3-1 count. A walk would give the Giants a glimmer of hope of mounting a comeback. The next pitch was a slider a foot outside: Pedro swung wildly and nubbed it foul. The next pitch was the same pitch -- a slider a foot outside -- and he swung and missed for strike three. Absolutely, positively the worst at-bat of the year.
What you talkin' about, Pedro?
Justice Stewart Potter wasn't able to define obscenity, but he would know it if he saw that at-bat. Not even Allard Baird will trade for Feliz now. If Sabean can get a box of reduced-sodium sunflower seeds for him, nominate Sabes for executive of the year.
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1) An ad during tonight's radio broadcast that featured Gary Coleman shilling for an online loan site. The pathetic former child star Coleman said he used the service to get a loan right from his own apartment. Good God, what a depressing image. Empty pizza boxes, a framed "Diff'rent Strokes" cast photo in the kitchen, a dial-up Internet connection, the noise from the parking lot of the all-night 7-11 next door seeping through his thin walls, the glow of Coleman's laptop on his 40-year-old cherbuic cheeks as he agrees to an interest rate higher than his blood pressure and tries not to cry...
OR
2) Bottom of the ninth, Giants down 4-1, Pedro Feliz with a 3-1 count. A walk would give the Giants a glimmer of hope of mounting a comeback. The next pitch was a slider a foot outside: Pedro swung wildly and nubbed it foul. The next pitch was the same pitch -- a slider a foot outside -- and he swung and missed for strike three. Absolutely, positively the worst at-bat of the year.
What you talkin' about, Pedro?
Justice Stewart Potter wasn't able to define obscenity, but he would know it if he saw that at-bat. Not even Allard Baird will trade for Feliz now. If Sabean can get a box of reduced-sodium sunflower seeds for him, nominate Sabes for executive of the year.
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