In Bad Taste 

Someone chastised me recently for making fun of the Pope's nasal tube the day of the Pontiff's demise. "Tacky" was the reprimand. Fair enough. If I may pile onto myself: it was also too easy.

Which is why I limit myself to only one Rich Draper joke a year. I can't let myself get too lazy: there are too many bad puns to unleash and silly rhyme schemes to exploit.

No, when it comes to Rich Draper mockery, less is more. I'm not quite John Cage, whose composition 4'33" will never be topped for minimalism, but I'm trying to get the Draperalia whittled down to the barest, most essential brushstrokes. This year, with only the slightest of facial twitches, I simply submit two excerpts from one of Draper's latest:

"Speedy outfielder Jason Ellison has that 'wow factor' going for him, entering Tuesday's game against the Los Angeles Dodgers hitting .500 with a homer, RBI and stolen base."

"Rich Draper is a reporter for MLB.com. This story was not subject to the approval of Major League Baseball or its clubs."

In my next article, I will knock over a double amputee in a wheelchair and force 10,000 tsunami survivors to gather in a stadium and do The Wave.


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