Let The Games Begin! 

Spring training games are on the scoreboard. Looks like Georgia Tech may have problems against the NL East this year.

Our aging Gentlemen Giants start play tomorrow, with the game broadcast on KNBR starting at noon. Jon Miller -- He swings, and there's a soaring, majestic drive, sailing high into the blue desert sky...that one's headed for Tempe! -- and Duane Kuiper -- He hits it high...he hits it deep...he hits it...OUTTA HERE! -- ahem, will be on the mike.

(Is this thing on?)

I'm also excited because my ticket partners and I divvied up our booty (no, not THAT booty) last night, much to the envy of two upper-middle-aged women at the table next to us. So much were they staring and smiling, no doubt dreams of Michael Tucker, Fourth Outfielder, dancing in their heads, that we turned and offered them some tickets. "Cheap."

Now that I ponder it some more, perhaps they were checking out my dad, whose wife swears he looks like Billy Bob Thornton, which, I guess, is a good thing if you're two middle-aged women eating dinner at a brew pub.

They declined our offer of cheap tickets, which was good because, well, speaking for myself at least, no way in hell they were going to get my tickets cheap. Face value...maybe. Like the May 11 afternoon game against Pittsburgh. Or a Monday night confab with the Azz-Backs or Rockies in town.

Every year we hold the ticket draft around this time, and every year at least 12 of the last 15 games left at the bottom of the barrel are D-Backs and Rockies games. I think that's a clear signal to MLB brass next time contraction is on the table: unless the Diamondbacks and Rockies are defending World Series champions, no one wants to see them. Nobody. Nadie, Señor Bud, ¿entiendes?

Especially the Rockies. They're like the Brewers without the funny Midwestern accents and sausage. Is there anything more depressing than purple jerseys and gray pinstriped pants? It's not Kevin Millar who needs a Fab Five makeover, it's the entire Rockies' organization. Like, hello! Queer Eye for the Mile High!

Oh please, those scraggly sticks in the bullpen, don't tell me those are supposed to be pine trees? Looks like Father Christmas hasn't been making his child support payments, honey!

As you might expect, the Dodgers and A's games go fast. Last year, thanks to two huge Red Sox fans in my ticket group, the weekend series against Boston were the first games to go. This year, no such signature event, but here are a few highlights to note (promotional giveaways, such as fridge magnets, avocado spoons and vials of Lou Seal blubber, not included):

* opening series Apr 5-7 vs. the Dodgers.
* weekend series May 20-22 vs. Oakland.
* weekend series June 10-12 vs. Cleveland. (Very intriguing young team.)
* good stuff in July: Reds, Cards, Braves and Marlins in town.
* weekend series Aug 26-28 vs. the New York Pedro Beltrans.
* four-game series September 8-11 vs. the Cubs.
* four-game series Sept. 15-18 vs. L.A.

The Giants finish the schedule Oct. 2 at home against the AZZZZes. Fan Appreciation Day -- I want nothing less than to win the big enchilada, the Ford F-150. But I'll settle for a vial of Lou Seal blubber and a division title.

Question: if a genie granted your lifelong wish of playing in the major leagues, but only in a Rockies road uniform, would you accept it? Is there any uniform that's uglier?


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